SOPHIE’S HEADFUL
TIME TO SHARE
Music has always been my way to cope, celebrate and reflect.
I was very lucky to grow up in a house with a piano and enough space to sing as loudly as I could. So for as long as I can remember, I’ve been creating melodies and lyrics to express whatever’s on my mind or in my body. There’s an insane amount of wonderful music out there that can reflect or even expand what I’m feeling at any given time, but to create it yourself gives it that extra dimension to feel fully immersed. So here I am, wondering if the stories I’ve been depicting in my music for years all to myself, might actually be stories that need to be told for you too.
The Netherlands
BACK IN THE WATER
Being in the wrong place can make you question a lot about yourself, until you finally realise: all you need to do is move to where you can thrive.
I’m not just facing the music, I desperately need it
It’s the only way I get to recalibrate me
I know I’m not lovesick, I just need to come home
‘Cause these travels have taken me away way too long
I still know, where I want to go
I just did a lot of learning to get out of this burning
Now I’m back in the water
And I will flow again
I’m not just wrapped in confusion, I’m cured from illusion
It’s the best way to wake from a nightmare, you see
No more search for improvement, only out the door movement
I know now, the problem was never all me
I still see, where I want to be
Walked too long through burning sand, as I tried to understand
But I’m back in the water
In life for me again
PROUD
The way you used to cope in the eye of the storm, may have been the best way you knew how. Knowing better now, but also knowing it’s what brought you here, can you truly be proud of yourself?
With the special appearance of my cat Suus.
I can forgive me for growing up
For losing time when I was out of luck
I shouldn’t feel vengeance for getting by
For losing connection while fighting the lies
I can search for the reasons all over again
But maybe I can pick my time way better than then
So turn on the lighting and new story writing
And if it doesn’t work out, I’ll still be proud
QUEEN OF THE FOREST
Our most intimate, truest friends and Mother Nature have a lot in common, don’t they?
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Like a blackbird’s melody, nothing like your remedy
Soft and strong, as the air, always there
Nothing compares, when you’re there to care
As I come from the water, you come from the trees
Steady in nature, yet spirit so free
You help me stay grounded, edges all rounded, queen of the forest
Show me life, show me options
Embrace life’s interruptions
Share the wisdom you see, forest queen you’re the key
As the winds come and pass us, we do slightly move
Reachable distance, no devotion to prove
No avalanche covers, this friendship of others, bound by the forest
Keep us light, keep us gentle
As this life is a rental
With your faith in the good, we unfold as we should
Queen of the forest, sing with your soul
Queen of the forest, we’ll keep you whole
SPOILED
Fully committing to love and then losing it can make you question the values you used to hold so dearly. This song is for those who need to reclaim their powerful self. There’s no shame in letting go of a loving person who just cannot live the way you need to in order to feel safe. Your capacity to love has got nothing to do with that.
I’ll fight the same way as before, just not for you anymore
I’ll take the compass of my core, it has led me well before
Should be easy to find my way back to all of me
I don’t need you to agree
I’ll care as deeply as I do, just no longer for you
I’ll take my learning somewhere new, as I knew you through and through
Still surprising that I had to teach you everything
Typical ivory king
‘Cause you’re spoiled by evolution, top of the chain
Don’t need your confusion to mess up my game
Too spoiled to go beyond the easy, now you spoiled all that we could be
Spoiled by evolution, now you won’t survive like me
Move on as simply as you see, just no longer with me
Don’t question where you want to be, it will feel as though you’re free
Lose the burden of my passions and my growing pains
Put all us doers to shame
TIRED
This is for all insomniacs, perfectionists and people-pleasers… we can be our worst enemies sometimes. We can feel robbed of many things in life, but in the end we mostly rob ourselves from the valuable time we have left. Ironically, really taking the time to be patient with our own process is what will get us there. To finally feel calm enough to enjoy our present lives.
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I know you’re tired, you have been all your life
But now don’t fight it, can’t solve it overnight
Rest your head, the pillow will be softer than the fall
I know there’s much more left to do, but you don’t have to do it all
You’ll be fine
Can’t work your way through time, I know going used to get you safer
Now that you are stronger, wish you knew just how to stay a little longer
Hurry makes the tangles even worse, stop trying to change how you got wired
I know you mean so well, but fixing everything will only leave you tired
Don’t want to waste no more, all the weight you had to carry left your shoulders wide and brittle
With a hunger to find every perfect middle
Your search is stealing away more precious time, you try to get it back at night
I know you want to grow, but bounty hunting problems only leaves you tired
Please stop running in your mind, don’t leave this all behind
You’ll be fine…
Just give it time
REVEAL YOURSELF
Self-work is never done and after taking a big hit it can be very helpful to stay out of the heat for a while to fully recover. But in the end all that work will be even more valuable if you can share some of it with others, adding some light to the world just by showing your authentic self.
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Wake up tomorrow and use your strength to reveal yourself
You’re so busy being busy that no one gets to see past you shell
And I know it doesn’t take hurt feelings, to hide away for days
But don’t you want to feel alive in different ways?
After the battle rest your casualties and let them heal, no one expects you to know how they feel
Back in the morning bring your scaffolding and watch things grow, follow the process till you know
And I know uncertainty will wait for me whatever degree the corner
But that doesn’t mean I can’t walk a straight line
And everyday I’ll find one slightly better than the former
We all have a surface that shines
How do you get to feel alive, when all you knew was to survive?
And to survive meant to be perfect all the time
There’s no use being everything, it takes away more time to sing
Whoever wants to hear will get to glimpse this soul of mine
Now I won’t always be louder, but I’ll most definitely be prouder
Don’t need to take your measurements to decide how tall I’ll be
THE FLOOD
It’s easy to judge others once we know better ourselves, especially when they have been the ones hurting us. Our real next growth might be where we can see them with unconditional empathy, knowing they can’t take anything away from us, no matter what we decide to give.
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I know it hurts you, this transfer from me to you
But taking all the blows is what I promised not to do
‘Cause I finally found my dedication towards serving me
You will learn to grow some empathy you’ll see
Growing is painful, but know, it’ll fade in time
You denied yourself when you kept on taking mine
And I’m sorry you don’t get to use it like you hoped you would
I suggest you learn to swim before the flood
Hold on to me, let me go
Tell me all you don’t want to know
Hide from me while in my sight
Hurt me ’cause you don’t want to fight
I can deal with all of you, it’s just one other thing I do
Swam through the flood, you’re just a splash in my holy water
Dressing the sculpture, when there’s much more stone to carve
Refuse to sow the seeds, ’cause you’re too afraid to starve
To take a forward step is harder when you’re looking back
Our compass doesn’t always match the track
Jolting more others with the armour we all wear
Pretend to be alright till we’re not adept to care
And we’re too relieved we’re elsewhere to help those back where we stood
Teach another how to swim before the flood
IT’S NOT YOU
Almost anywhere you look you see pictures, products and stories that tell us what love should look like. But what if that isn’t you?
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The sound of thunder never scared me
And I stayed awake at night to see the darkness change
Everything over an mp3, assuring me, I had the right to disagree
When I’m alone I feel intensely
I dress it for the day to keep things comfortable
But I’ll try to make you compromise, to realise, if we see each other we’ll suffice
And I tried to make you worth it, be open and connect
But you will become a foe and I will protect
It’s not you, it’s what everyone will do
Like I’m the only one who doesn’t need to breathe
And I’m not wrong, it’s just a different love song
And I’m ready now to look for what I need
I speak it’s language like a native
It’s not my style of speech, but it will set me free
‘Cause utter silence doesn’t work for me, I’m like the sea, to hit a shore eventually
And I tried to make you worth it, be open and connect
But you will become a foe and I will protect
It’s not you, it’s what everyone will do
Like I’m the only one who doesn’t need to breathe
And I’m not wrong, it’s just a different love song
And I’m ready now to look for what I need
I had the right to disagree
I had the right to disagree, that’s why I’m saying
JUST A HEADFUL
I sincerely hope you know that wonderful feeling of being fully in check with yourself. It can take a lot of work and we all know how easily we can slip back into old patterns, but that’s the whole point, isn’t it? To remember knowing how to be more present and keep practicing!
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I’m not sure if you’ll see, but a new light came to be
In this headful, just a headful full of me
I won’t assume you know, but I finally got to grow
In this headful, just a headful full of me
I’m the only one genuinely looking for me
Tell me what you want, I decided what you will see
And I’m not hiding, I’m done fighting, that’s all it is
‘Cause now is all I am, so I won’t pretend
And a shadow changes throughout the day
And it’s okay
‘Cause I’m not sure if you’ll see, but a new light came to be
In this headful, just a headful full of me
I won’t assume you know, but I finally got to grow
In this headful, just a headful full of me
I can hear my voice, don’t need other ears to confirm
‘Cause if not right here, somewhere else we’ll get to my turn
No need to rush it, tonight I’ll crush it, all on my own
The day is to collect new ideas and facts
And you’re welcome to come see what I keep
Just take the leap
‘Cause I’m not sure if you’ll see, but a new light came to be
In this headful, just a headful full of me
I won’t assume you know, but I finally got to grow
In this headful, just a headful full of me
Boat around and change my waves, I know my waterlevel’s safe
Just the moon and sun will guide me where to stand
Rain won’t make me overflow, I know the banks to which I go
But I might wash away some footsteps in the sand
THE ARCHIVES
Even better circumstances can be difficult to adjust to. Rationally we may know it’s what is best, but letting go of the old familiar can be very uncomfortable. Looking back though, we know it’s what helped us grow even more!
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I have found that, the good won’t feel real
Go back to the archives, explain how I feel
No replacing compartments I have
Why save a case when there’s nothing to add?
It’s the pain in my body that made it grow strong
It’s the wait for the hopeless that made me hold on… way too long
You know I wont’s stop looking for what you seek
Savour everything you wish for me to keep
Your return of the favour just won’t adhere well
I really don’t mean to dwell, but I have found that…
I keep jumping the line between feeling and being
Try to follow my path, but still take in what I’m seeing
Fade away when there’s no need to stay
Fire the gun when there’s no place to run
Letting go is just one thing I know will end me
I need the reins to feel free, ’cause I have found that…
To forget is to unlearn, forget the fire someone will burn
To forget is to unlearn, forget the fire someone will burn, ’cause I have found that…
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Sophie's Headful 